I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
