Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Randomize
