i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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