i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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