sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
