he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
