i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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