And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
