she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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