But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
