With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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