i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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