This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I intend to get homeless drunk
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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