Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
