Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
