i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize