Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
