my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i believe in u and ur pee
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
