So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
