I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
