Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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