this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
