I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
