i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
