im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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