if i can run in heels then i can drive
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
