Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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