Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
