thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I would ride that face into the sunset
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
