Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
