Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
