areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Even my vagina gasped.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
