we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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