and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
