Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
