When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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