he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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