My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
