She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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