I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You ruined the universe
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
