Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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