friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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