I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
