Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
