just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He passed out mid-signature
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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