He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
