And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
