So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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