she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Randomize
