I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
