I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
