Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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